


Felix, Felicior Semper (Happier than Ever)

by razz



Category: Felix Ever After - Kacen Callender
Genre: Canon Trans Character, M/M, OT3, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:02:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28611795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/razz/pseuds/razz
Summary: Ot3 post-canonFelix Ever After: Love gives second chances, and so do Felix, Ezra and Declan.Or how this love-triangle was asking to be resolved with polyamory (like many love-triangles do.)(Spoilers for the book. Read it first! It's great.)
Relationships: Felix Love/Ezra Patel, Felix Love/Ezra Patel/Declan Keane
Comments: 9
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First to this ship. Why?!  
> I really can't believe there aren't fics for this book. I highly recommend reading it, if you haven't yet. 
> 
> Tell me about your rare-ship woes in the comments, I guess.
> 
> This is in Felix POV. I tried to write in present-tense to match the book, but I just kept sneaking into past. So I just switched it. Be glad I managed first person, is what I'm saying, lol. 
> 
> (WIPs may have structural edits later, FYI.)

Hard conversations were easier in the middle of the night. We were sleepy and warm, just sharing space. Ezra nuzzled into my shoulder and asked quietly, "How did you get so close with Declan? I really thought you hated him."

"He was such a dick to you, to us. I did hate him. But..." I tried to remember the moment when I realized he wasn't what I thought. "He doesn't say what he really feels much, but he did to me. Or to 'Lucky', really."

"Like what?"

"Like; he didn't really hate us. He didn't break up with you for no reason. He knew you liked me and wanted to do it before you could break his heart."

"What!"

"Yeah," I sighed. He sat, up looking upset. 

"Shit. That's bullshit!" 

I shrugged, nodded. "He wasn't wrong about you liking me, though."

"Ugh, I can't believe you're making me feel bad about--"

"No!" I sat up too and grabbed his shoulders. "I'm not guilting you! Don't feel bad. Really."

"I know you don't mean it that way. It's just; you're right. How did you both manage to dump me for basically the same reason?"

I couldn't help but protest. "It wasn't."

"If I'm not mad at you for trying to avoid being hurt, can I still be mad at him for it?"

"You can seriously be mad at both of us. It was a shitty thing to do."

Ezra buried his head in my shoulder again. I hugged him.

"I'm so, so sorry, Ez."

Ez took a big shaky breath. "Hey, I forgave you. Our history is worth a couple days of shitty behavior. And I can't stay mad at you."

We were silent. Eventually I shifted us so he was cradled in my arms, lying down again. I loved this, just holding him. 

"So that's why?" Ez prompted. 

"It was a lot of things. Do you really want to hear this?" Shouldn't it be weird to talk about someone I had lied about (by omission, but still) and kissed? What I'd said already seemed to have shifted his mood to something more pensive.

"I'm just trying to wrap my head around it." Ez didn't sound like he was mad at me. He really wanted to know.

"Well, he told me a lot of stuff. We talked about art and loneliness, I guess. He has a lot going on. He's good at pretending everything is okay. I can't tell you everything, but I don't think he made a lot of friends outside of us."

"What about James and Marc?"

"Um, they're James and Marc?" I scoffed. He snorted.

"Good point." We grinned at each other.

"I liked getting to know him again without all the bullshit. We were both sharing stuff that made us vulnerable. He wasn't a dick when he talked about me getting outed. He said it was 'evil' and 'unforgiveable.'"

"Which it was!" Ez agreed instantly. "Okay," he said and repeated it: "Okay, that makes more sense."

"Is it? Okay?" 

"I still feel sorta jealous." He answered the question I was really asking. "You kissed him, right? Did you like it?"

"I was thinking about you and your advice to kiss softer." Which was true.

"But did you like it?"

I answered reluctantly, "Yes. But I had to stop. I got overwhelmed. He didn't really like _me_. He hadn't really forgiven me, and I hadn't forgotten you."

Ez snorted. "Of course he liked you."

"No. I told you, he was thinking about Lucky. I knew it would never work because it was all a lie, and everything between us was broken and wrong. I was being unfair to you and him."

"Yeah, but it was still you he was talking to. You said you both shared stuff that made you feel vulnerable. He never did that with me." He looked up at the ceiling, expression far away. I was starting to get an idea.

"Are you...jealous of both of us?" I didn't really believe it until he didn't say anything for a long minute. He bit his lip.

"Maybe. I didn't really think about it, but that might be part of what I'm feeling." That was kind of making my head spin.

"What else are you feeling?"

"Don't get mad." My heart was racing, but I wasn't mad.

"We're talking about me developing feelings for someone that's not you. Shouldn't I be saying that?" He looked at me insistently. So I shrugged. "I promise. I have no right to get mad here. I just want to know what you're feeling." I could decide how I felt about it all later.

"Okay, yes," Ezra said, "I'm feeling jealous, a little. I liked you both first. So other than jealous, I guess it's more...feeling left out?...Also, it's kind of unfairly hot to think about the two of you making out."

"What, really?" Something flipped, hard, in my chest. I didn't know how to feel about that, and I told him that. "I don't know how to feel about that."

"Sorry! It's not like I'd pressure you into anything you're uncomfortable with."

I scoffed at the idea of him pressuring me to do anything. In fact, Ezra had been very observant about how far I was willing to go physically. I didn't have to say I wanted to go slow. He just knew or figured it out. But wait. "Does that mean you're thinking about it? Me and him together? Even now? Or all of us?" My throat was dry.

"I mean, I dunno if I'm seriously thinking about it. It's just that we did get along so well before. I can picture it. Especially now I know he doesn't hate me."

"And you've slept with Declan." My voice sounded strange. Was I jealous now too? "He broke up with you, and you didn't tell me you were in love with me. You thought you might be in love with him."

"That was forever ago, and he _was_ a total dick. I wouldn't trade you for him. You're my favorite person. Ever."

I tried to evaluate what I was feeling. That was probably why he sounded so anxious, because if I didn't know what I was feeling, then his usual magic read on me probably didn't have a chance. Huh, maybe that was why Ezra never figured out that I loved him too. Anyway...I did still have feelings for Declan, I admitted to myself. I felt better immediately. Maybe just knowing how I felt about things leveled me up somehow, like when my art kept getting better.

"I know." It didn't hurt to hear Ez tell me how he felt about me frequently either. "You're my favorite person too, Ez. I do like Declan a lot, but I love you. I chose you, and you forgave my bullshit. You'll never get rid of me, just like you said you couldn't hate me."

"Okay. Good. Declan is in the past."

"Right." We were both still thinking about it, though.

I nibbled his neck and thought about Ezra and Declan together and yeah; I felt that excited feeling in my chest that was usually reserved just for Ezra. Would Declan ever consider it? Probably not. "He's still mad about the lies, anyway."

"Mine or yours? We're really thinking about this, right? We haven't had the exclusive talk, exactly. I think we both assumed."

"Okay, just because thinking about you with Declan is kind of hot, doesn't mean I wouldn't rip anyone else's head off, if you wanted to date them instead."

"Anyone else's?" We stared significantly into each other's eyes. I didn't see any anger or hurt there. He must not have seen any in my gaze either. I smiled, then giggled. He cracked up too. 

"This is surreal. We're really talking about a boy." I drew out the last word like a kid.

"Yeah." He kissed me.

"I think I'd be okay with you, me and him. Not with anyone else, not without both of us, you and me. Which doesn't even matter because he's not interested. Even though he said he hoped you might be Lucky, he also said he was over you. Plus he was in love with an idea, not me. No matter what you say."

"And I am over him, too. I am!" He rolled his eyes at my raised eyebrows. "That doesn't mean he wouldn't jump at the chance to get a piece of all of this." He gestured to both of us. The thing was, he was right: We were kind of awesome, especially together. I felt really confident lately, and Ezra was perfect. "I guess I also kind of miss him or whatever," he added.

"Me too, a little." He smirked at me. I smirked back, but I had to check; "What if I wanted to keep you to myself?"

"Then it's no question. Just-us is fine with me."

I kissed him. "Okay, just checking. Same here. Say the word. Still, we probably need to give him space. I don't want to hurt him any more."

"Yeah, fair. He could still hate us a little. I don't think we should do it, if he does or if he's just gonna get hurt."

"So like, it could be a long term thing. Serious--like us?"

"Serious but optional. No rush. We can play it by ear."

He kissed my ear as if to demonstrate. Ez was adorable and so reassuring. I should have realized I loved him just by how much he made my life better every day. 

We could probably team up to drive Declan crazy. I smiled a little maniacally. Ez gave a chuckle. "That's your plotting face. Wow, I should have known seduction would bring this out. I probably shouldn't be turned on by your machiavellian tendencies."

"I'll use my powers for good." I assured him. I rolled on top of him and kissed him again to demonstrate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Felicior** (comparative nominative): happier/more fortunate  
> (I don't know latin. Google does...mostly.)
> 
> I'm not confident I have their voices down. I usually only post if I'm confident I'll finish a fic, but I figure better something imperfect than nothing.
> 
> Also, I deliberately used 'machiavellian' instead of 'Slytherin'. However, I maintained custody of my fannish HP stuff in the divorce, so there may still be references later.


	2. Chapter 2

We'd agreed to play it by ear, but there was an electric feeling of anticipation between Ez and me when we saw Declan in school. He wasn't exactly ignoring us. He watched us from the corner of his eye or snuck glances at us. Was that a good sign?

I tried to imagine what he saw when he looked at us. It reflected in my paintings. One had me and Ezra looking off-canvas at something. Blue and orange butterflies spiralled around us. Ez's expression was guarded but focused. Mine was a bit ironic, a bit worried, also intent. The reference was a selfie from lunch of us cuddled close. One of Ez's hands was always touching me, I realized as I detailed his fingers hooked lightly in my belt loop, arm around my waist. That wasn't new. Leaning into him was natural, constant. I really should have figured it all out by the way we gravitated into the other's reach. We orbited each other.

I started another painting, both of us flying in the cosmos. There were bright rainbow trails of stardust glittering on our skin and trailing our paths. Far away but along our trajectory, was a star. It was distant and blue, half swallowed up by the dark indigos and blacks of space, a few red and yellow rays peeking around in a curve, about to brighten. I added more speckles in bright colors, like a vibrant milky way.

I really liked it. Ez said it was amazing. That felt like warmth folding around me. 

Making it even better, Declan made a surprised noise, coming up behind me. I turned to him, not sure what my expression was doing. It felt raw for him to see this painting, even if he had no idea that he was the metaphorical star we were reaching for. Was it too obvious, I wondered? After spelling it out in my head like that, I flushed. 

Declan was looking at the painting thoughtfully. He still hadn't really done more than glance at me though. "You're changing your art up again." His voice was neutral. He seemed a bit tense but not hostile. He wasn't treating me like someone he wanted to distance himself from. I felt a huge wave of relief at that. I'd been more worried than I'd realized. 

"Yeah," I agreed quietly, leaning up to see his face better. "What do you think?"

He shifted closer to me like he almost couldn't help himself then consciously shuffled a few steps away. I smiled at him, hoping it conveyed that I wanted him to stay. My hand was itching to reach out to him too, like I did with Ez.

He glanced at Ezra, who also gave him an adorable smile. It was just a little tentative. Declan blinked and abruptly turned away from both of us and the painting. "It's working for you." He walked out without looking back at us. 

Ez pressed up against my side. I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Well, I don't think he hates us," I said.

Ez kissed my cheek. "Maybe. Do you think he'll talk to me again?" His voice was forlorn. 

I huffed a sigh. "Declan can be stubborn -- but yeah. I think he probably wants to talk to you."

"Maybe we need to get him more comfortable." 

I thought about that. (I pushed away other interpretations of _comfortable_.) "What if you messaged him?"

Ez smiled wryly. "Slide into his DMs? You sure he won't get pissed about that?" He meant because of me or rather my alter ego, 'Lucky'.

"Ehh, it's a risk." I'd connected with Declan that way. Maybe it would work again, without the pressure of a face-to-face interaction. "So long as it's as yourself, it might be fine."

Ez shrugged. "My method of talking to him in person never worked."

"Did you try again after that one time?"

Ez fidgeted, eyes flickering to a loose thread on his sleeve. "Sorta. I knew you wouldn't want me to, but I really wanted to know what had happened. It wasn't too bad. He mostly just ignored me."

"Ugh, I do like him, but sometimes I just want to tackle him and--" Ez was smirking at me, so I broke off. "Shut up."

Declan threw more glances at us after that. We smiled back. He didn't seem reassured. I tried not to find it a little funny. I really did want to put him in the right mood to bring up our idea eventually. 

Was it so wrong that I liked the idea of making him squirm (hopefully in a good way) too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come. I didn't expect this to be so hard to picture them still in high school. (If I'm remembering right, the book was the summer before senior year.) Responsible discussions of forming a trouple kind of feel like an after high school thing, but would Felix and Ez really wait that long to have the conversation from ch 1? I thought not. 
> 
> Feedback requested:  
> What are your opinions on eventual sex scenes (once they're all 18)? I'm not trans, and I want to be sensitive to not having that experience. If I switched to Declan's POV as a clueless, baby-pansexual, wanting to make their partners happy, that would be more own voices lol. But Declan's characterization is already a little intimidating, since he's so full of contradictions and sass.


End file.
